the time is getting closer

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 23:06:24 GMT

first of all, not having a job really, really sucks. so does haing to put in five million applications because no one is hiring in a shitty economy.

and i'm dropping political science as a second major. i'm now going to be strictly a sociology major with a minor in anthropology. i realized how long it's going to take me if i stick with a double major and minor. and honestly, i just want to get the fuck out of school. i'm over it already. i suppose i can always come back if i need to.

summertime sunrise sweet smiles

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 04:13:03 GMT

it's time to sqeeze the last few drops out of this summer. my feet are getting itchy, yet my heart remains heavy. it's with such dread that i leave this valley every year, and this time i might not be back.

sunrise from the top of cloud's rest. pictures will never do this day justice, as they shouldn't. there are certain things that simply put must be seen with human eyes, felt with human hands, and loved by human hearts. we are all so lucky to be able to see and recognize beauty; to appreciate it the way that it should be appreciated. how many sunrises will i watch throughout my life? perhaps only a handful and yet it's so taken for granted that it will always be there. i'm so happy with my life right now, really and truly.

sunrise.

there are few places so beautiful.

it was so cold at the top. elevation: 10,000ft. temperature with wind: fucking cold.

that's tenaya lake off in the distance.

epic.

see how the shadow forms a peak? i'm at the very top.

adventurers.

we hiked out towards tenaya lake, and the whole back country looked like spring was still upon us.

backcountry pond.

beauty.

tricia.

tenaya lake.

and finally, some naked swimming.

someday i'll feast my eyes on this part of the world again.

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:39:09 GMT

boystown halloween is today. i'm a superhero. cape, spandex, everything. it's going to be phenomenal.

also, we've been without power now for five days (maybe more, who knows?). i haven't taken a shower in over a week, my clothes are all dirty and smelly, and i think i'm going to grow out my armpit hair for the rest of the summer. just because if there's any place for a girl to have pit hair, it's here.

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:40:11 GMT

i'm really happy right now.

i just thought i'd make sure to write that down so when i'm feeling blue, i can look back and realize that i was not always so and i won't always be.

really really really happy.

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:23:22 GMT

in a strange twist of fate, i've become good friends with (of all people) amanda. ben's ex-girlfriend amanda. which is something that i really didn't see coming. we talked about everything that happened here a few years back and now it's not awkward; a very pleasant surprise, considering.

the olympics were yesterday. i ran around drunk and loved it in all my spandex and nudity glory. i just wish i didn't have to see him every single day. he's the type of person that you know you should hate and can't yet because he did mean something to me. but, it's fading quickly, and will be all gone soon.

"why couldn't you be a lesbian for just one night?"

hahahaha.

i love you.

i'll be coming out to see all of you soon enough. until then, just know that you're perfect.

vampires and mountains, here i come!

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:10:43 GMT

i just bought a round trip ticket from prague to romania for $100.

holy fuck!

march 20 - 25, i'll be in the land of ... i honestly have no idea what.

who cares?! romania!!

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 05:53:59 GMT

the times, they are a changin'

when did three and a half years go by?

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 07:14:13 GMT

have i seriously had this journal since september 2004?

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 00:29:46 GMT

officially: fuck helsinki

that finnish bitch on the plane next to me got me sick.

supa supa supa lame.

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 04:57:11 GMT

massive aaron time.

"they don't play soccer! ...gays?"

i'm in love with him. so much so.

and why do you all have to live way the fuck down in sacramento?!

anyways, my voice is gone, my throat is swollen, and i spent the last 6 hours volunteering in rancho with my mom. wrapping presents for people who can't afford to give their kids anything. an now i'm so fucking grateful for all that i was given, for everything i have. everyone of us is so priveleged, it's unbelievable.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 11:54:53 GMT

one paper, one test, and i'm done.
ecstasy on saturday night, clubs and music and lights and laughter.
dancing until my feet were going to fall off.
walking with friends across charles bridge at 6am,
the only ones there.

this city is so beautiful, i'm going to miss it so much while i'm gone.
i'll miss the people and the stories and the photos and the traveling.

trains, buses, planes, metro, tram.

i've gotten so used to it.

this happens every time i get used to anything.
time to pack up and go somewhere new.

or in this case, somewhere old.

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 15:27:20 GMT

booking more flights...

belgium?
ireland?

i fucking love europe.
i'm going everywhere.
seeing everything.

next semester is going to be a whirlwind of new places, new people, and millions of pictures.

thank god for yosemite, which will save my ass when i go back in the summer.

pretty girl with the pretty dress and pretty eyes

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:17:56 GMT

paris in the wintertime.
i just booked a flight.
february 8 - 12.

a good start to the new semester.

i'm happy again.
really, truly.

sometimes i wonder how the human mind can last.
with so many emotions and ups and downs,
what prevents it from withering away? from collapsing in on itself?
years and years of feelings.
pain, anger, rage, sorrow, depression, hopelessness, fear, anguish.
how can the body and mind even take it?
emotional pain so great it manifests itself into the physical.
you become sick, nausea takes over, your muscles swell and contract.
it's like after you cry, your whole body is exhausted.
how can we survive years and years of that?

but then one day you feel happy again.

and it makes all those feelings disappear.
as if they never existed.

and you look at the blue sky, and the children laughing, and think of the adventures you will soon have.
the new people you will meet.

life goes on,
it always has,
and it always will.

and someday you will be happy again.

ho ho ho

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 21:01:50 GMT

it's cheery and winter and almost christmas. trees and lights are covering the city. the christmas markets are alive and colorful. and i can't wait to see all of your smiling faces...

here's a few from vienna...happy christmas, dear friends.

obviously, my favorite stands...

beautiful.

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 13:58:46 GMT

but overall, i still love you.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:26:41 GMT

time to up my productivity ten fold. one paper down. trip to vienna this weekend. hospital tomorrow. no cast, just a wrap. it's snowing here, ground all white and breath in the air. i can't wait to see everyone, yet i'll be so happy to come back.

add it up

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 08:32:19 GMT

+gogol bordello played the best show i've ever seen.
+my dad fixed up his old road bike from 1980 and it's ready for me to have when i go home.
+prague is still as beautiful as the day i arrived.
+i'm excited to go home, but i'll be ten times more stoked to come back.
+my life is fucking great...

isn't it wonderful when there are no bad things to write about?

paper writing today and tomorrow. let's get this shit taken care of...

vienna on friday!

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 12:45:30 GMT

my name should be synonomous with badass. i actually snuck out of the hospital to go to thanksgiving dinner. left a note on the pillow. fuck that place, i've got better people to hang with.

surgery went fine, minus the zero pain killer policy that the Czech people seem to have. i literally woke up from having four screws drilled into my arm bone with no pain killers in my system. i just woke up, said "it hurts" and started sobbing. i don't think i've ever been in so much pain in my life. fuck it, i made it out in time to see gogol bordello and that's all that matters.

gobble gobble gobble...happy thanksgiving!!

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:25:57 GMT

i have a cast on my broken arm and it could be the funniest thing i've done in months.

i'm still giggling about it....

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 13:24:21 GMT

oh, dresden.

how is it that i desperately want to move to every single city that i visit? really...you'd think there would be at least one that i wouldn't like so much. but, no. every time i travel i'm filled up with the desire to live abroad, travel all over, and meet new people.

dresden was beautiful this weekend. markus was rad, and even met me at the train station at 3:30am. we were both drunk, which made the whole meet-and-greet waaay easier. i'm fully convinced that traveling is infinitely better if you're slightly intoxicated the whole time. besides, without some vodka in me i probably would have frozen to death in the three degrees celcius weather.

the city is gorgeous, completely restored after the 1945 bombings. there were churches and museums, art galleries and walks along the river. a soccer match on saturday, complete with real hooligans! bar hopping at night, hookah bar, donor kebabs, murals, history. fuck, the city is beautiful.

i'm going back in the spring, for sure.

leaving again...

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 11:51:32 GMT

i'm headed off once more.
leaving tonight at midnight.

funny...
i used to write about leaving and how familiar a scene it had become.
but in a sad way.
in a way i didn't want to expirience.

now,
leaving has become something so amazing
surreal
exciting.

i was looking at pictures of me when i first got here.
i look younger.
i look scared.
i look like i don't know who i am.

you have to lose yourself to find yourself.
or so the saying goes.

did i find myself?
i found a new part of myself.
a part that can exist in a world unfamiliar.
a part that can be just fine,
despite anything.

i like it.
i like who i am.
before too,
but now even more.

i'm getting a bottle of whiskey for the road.
and wearing every article of clothing i own.

camera.
tripod.
travel.
sweater.

i can't wait to show you pictures of the sweater i got.
it's so silly. and so perfect.
fits all wrong.
itchy.
uncomfortable.

and fucking rad.

see you in a few days.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:57:06 GMT

i haven't written about this yet, because honestly, i didn't even know what to say.

when we were in poland, we spent sunday at auschwitz-birkenau. the only way to describe it was surreal. extremely surreal. i didn't know how i'd react, would it all go over my head? would i not be able to comprehend exactly what happened here? but when i got there and began to walk around the museums and barracks and read the stories it hit me. it felt like a huge wave had crashed over me and taken me under. i couldn't breathe in some of the museums. they have huge rooms filled with victims' shoes and hair and suitcases. thousands and thousands of wire rimmed reading glasses. pictures lining the walls of every room. the whole time i ws there i couldn't stop crying. reading the stories was the worst part. people become human. these people were real, living, breathing human beings that were slaughtered for no reason. millions.

at birkenau, if all of the incinerators were working they could kill 10,000 people in 24 hours.

the air in the two camps is heavy. the mood is heavy. the whole place is suffocating.

i spent the day alone. i'm not sure i could have talked to people about this or been with someone else as i walked through the barracks. it's just vast. row after row of barracks in the freezing cold. i can't imagine how cold it must have been for anyone in the camps. nothing but a thin uniform to protect you from the bitter polish winters.

i didn't take pictures. it didn't feel right. and i really don't want a picture of me standing in front of the execution wall, the memory isn't going to leave any time soon. it's burned into my mind for the rest of my life.

people can be so cruel to each other.

when i was reading the book about the rwandan genocide this summer it was the same thing. people can be so fucking cruel sometimes. how could one kill their neighbor and feel no remorse? more so, how could the rest of the world stand by and not do a thing to stop it?

i hope some people learn from history. i hope we never make those mistakes again.

the things we know

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 14:39:18 GMT

nothing is ever as complicated as it feels. we're the ones who complicate them. it's all subjective, i suppose.

the weather here is getting cold. a deep cold. the kind that blows right through my thin jeans from target and years old shoes. sometimes i wish i gave a fuck about clothing. sometimes i wish i had cute boots and jackets and hats. and then i see nate and frank and hang out and drink all night with them and i don't give a fuck anymore. silly.

image is so funny when you really think about it. fortunately the days when i feel inadequate in my own skin are few and far between. the basic thing is...i like me. i think i'm silly and stupid and ridiculous. and i'm pretty fucking happy about that. i think i have a nice body, nice hair, straight teeth. all those things. for the most part my belly and legs and arms are good to me. far better then i treat them, which i'm trying to change. i'm happy with the vessel i've been given to live in, and i will try and remember that next time i see a girl with elaborate outfits and the latest haircut.

dresden is going to be fucking FREEZING this weekend. my bus arrives at 2:15am. and the weather report says the high will be in the 30s. 30s?! i'm from california kid, i don't know how to do this shit...

i'll send pictures and postcards...

search for my e-mail in www.kodakgallery.com

jenslupianek@yahoo.com

don't know if that's exactly how you do it but maybe. i'm working on it, but pictures from the bone church and suinio, greece are there.

it's been a while

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 10:21:50 GMT

sometimes i swear there is not enough time in this world. so much to do and see, so many places to go. i was in poland this weekend, krakow to be exact. that city is beyond words. small, a good thing, i could walk everywhere and see everything. i went to the castle and the jewih quarter and along the river and the parks and old town square and everywhere else my tired feet would take me. it felt good to explore. it also felt good to see that it is now full blown autumn. the leaves blanket the ground in all of their golden glory. nate and i have been slacklining lately, hanging out in the park outside, being silly and stupid and funny. i've also learned to cook. (!!). and i suddenly like vegetables...very strange if you know my usual diet. i've been walking to the market every other day and getting peppers and garlic and cucumbers and avacadoes to saute in olive oil. and i use more paprika then the hungarians, which is no small feat. next semester i'm bringing spices of my own...the peppers and shit here are vehemently not hot enough for my mexican food loving palatte.

i'm headed to dresden, germany this weekend. i'm going to the bus station in a few hours to buy my ticket. i have no idea what's there, and no idea what i'm going to do...but who fucking cares?! it's germany and therefore will have good food, good beer, and hopefully people that i can actually converse with. couchsurfing again, which is nice because i'll be alone. weekend trip to germany. (i wonder if i'll ever got over how cool it is to be able to write that?) hopefully everything turns out okay.

also notable: in krakow i managed to get my jacket stolen. boo. three of us from our group got our jackets stolen from the club that we were at. the shitty part is that my phone was in the pocket. damn you, vodaphone. damn you, polish vodka (of which i drank an entire bottle). however, this is where this story actually gets funny. in my drunken and angry state (mind you this is the second jacket i've lost) i sort of, kind of, might have stolen someone else's jacket. haha, oops! but wait...i looked in the jacket pockets the next morning and found a bunch of condoms (bahahaha) and a polish ID card, which i will scan and show you all immediately because it's fucking hilarious! the most stereotypical polish ID i've ever seen. i decided to keep the jacket after i got over feeling bad and moved on to feeling hilarious about the situation.

more shit to be written later...promise. i got time, baby, time on my hands.

ps: i need good book suggestions...anyone? anyone? please help a sista' out...i'm bored and have much time left on trains, buses, and airplanes!

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 15:48:28 GMT

last day of the trip. i'm exhausted right now. shitty hostels, no sleep, drinking all night, walking all day. and i miss prague. that city has grown to mean so much to me, it's ridiculous. i love it.

barcelona was no disappointment, this city is the shit.

until our next travels together, i don't want to see my backpack at all...